Missing My Z's

Ugh, Roberto and I didn't get much sleep last night.  His naps from earlier in the day and simply feeling uncomfortable from his stomach being upset kept Roberto awake.  Me?  Roberto's tossing woke me up and then I just couldn't get the sleepies back!  :(

The day was a lot better than Monday and we went without major incidents.  Roberto only threw up once!  :\   He's still not eating a lot, but that is probably a good thing for now.  On another note, he's pretty happy that he doesn't have the PICC line anymore.  Roberto got to take a normal shower sans saran wrap!  He had to keep the PICC line dressing dry so we wrapped it with saran wrap for about 10 weeks.  The little hole healed up quickly which is nice.

Okay, time to get some good rest tonight.

Cycle 4 - Day 8

Not Out of the Woods

Roberto did not have a great day despite me throwing at him all the possible anti-nausea medication I could get my hands on.  Only one meal was able to stay in his stomach today and that was a single Asian pear.  He tried eating many other fruits and soups, but those didn't stay down. 

When he was awake, he wanted to do something so I gave him the other wooden puzzle toy my mom bought (a dragon!) but apparently it was super complicated with all the scale parts.  Then Roberto and I played the board game Formula D which simulates formula 1 racing.  Roberto was still scarred from the fiery crash he suffered the last time he played so he was conservative with his car.  I, on the other hand, went wild around the turns and won!  I don't mean to disparage Roberto when I say that the game was pretty simple in that one rolls a die and moves a tiny race car; playing the game totally wiped Roberto of energy.  That's when we moved into the session of watching a Starcraft tournament.  I've come to realize that I've learned an unpleasant amount about Starcraft from watching these episodes with Roberto.  Banelings!  Pylons!  GG!!!

Besides the above activities, we spent the day going upstairs and back downstairs depending on Roberto's comfort level and desire to sleep.  I say "we" because he doesn't want to be alone. While he is sleepy, he doesn't quite stay asleep and I think he's becoming anxious since he is not recovering very quickly.  He kept telling me that he wished he didn't feel so terrible.  Right now, I think my presence is helping because he is totally snoring.

I hope tomorrow is a little better for him.  Robostrong!

Cycle 4 - Day 7

He Earned It!

Cycle 4 - Day 6 (Saturday)

I'm still keeping track of the days of the cycle because the two recovery weeks after the infusion is technically part of the chemotherapy treatment.  

Our (last???) visit to the Infusion Center today came with a reward! 

Roberto got a special certificate for completing his chemotherapy treatment.  The nurses signed the certificate at the bottom.  The certificate has a special place at the top of the card wall.  Roberto is definitely happy that he doesn't have to get the chemo drugs pumped through his body anymore.  He's focusing on regaining his strength and getting ready for the surgery. 

In addition to receiving his certificate, Roberto also had his PICC line removed (as promised).  The nurse simply pulled the PICC line out of Roberto's arm.  It was amazing and disgusting.  There was even a countdown as the line neared the last 10 centimeters.  The nurse sort of cheated at the end because Roberto was getting a little freaked out by the whole process (I was definitely squirming).  I have no idea how well you can see it in this video, but here it is:

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Overall, today was okay.  Roberto, I think, wants to recover faster than his body will allow.  The morning started off well with him eating some fruit.  Then he wanted to go for a quick walk around the block.  After the trip to the Infusion Center, I made him my specialty of "egg in a hole" - an egg fried inside a piece of bread, but then threw it up later.  Then Adam made him some nice soup.  I think that's where Roberto should have stopped but he couldn't refuse the rice/bean/veggie thing that Adam made for dinner.

This post is going up late because Roberto wanted to go on a nearly midnight walk because he was having trouble sleeping.  Not even 10 yards from our apartment, Roberto threw up his dinner.  I was so surprised because it had been so long since he had eaten.  Roberto was going to keep walking but I dragged him back home and got him back into bed with some ginger ale.  He's finally sleeping soundly.

It's always so hard to see him so sick like this.  Let's hope that tomorrow is better. 

Chemo - Cycle 4 - Day 5 - No More Icky Chemo Drugs!

No more chemo.  NO MORE CHEMO!  Wooooooohoooooo!!!  Finally!  I'm so tired, though, that I can't fully process it.  I think it's partly because Roberto is still feeling super crappy and because I haven't been getting much sleep every night this week.  Hopefully Roberto can start bouncing back in the next week.  The fourth cycle was much much better than the third cycle because he didn't throw up most of the time - just a few times. 

Tomorrow, Roberto's Mesna sack is taken from him, he gets a Neulasta shot to promote white blood cell growth, AND his PICC line is removed! 

Okay, time for rest.  We don't have to wake up early to get to the Infusion Center at 8am. 

100% done (I'm not counting the recovery period now)!  Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!  I'm processing it!!!

Chemo - Cycle 4 - Day 4 - Final Countdown

Roberto spent some of the night dry heaving and started the morning with throwing up.  :(  Luckily, that was it.  We were able to get to the Infusion Center without problems.  The nurse got Roberto started on the amazing anti-nausea medicine (the same from Monday) and that seemed to do the trick.  He still had some issues with dry heaving, but that's something we can live with nowadays.  I'm just glad that he can eat a small peach and *not* throw it up 30 minutes later.  It's a vast improvement over cycle 3. The thing is, I've gotten used to the weird, disgusting burping/heaving noises that Roberto makes.  :\

ONE MORE DAY!!!  Then Roberto can slowly start building his strength!  We confirmed with the oncologist's nurse that we'll have to wait at least a month before consulting with the thoracic surgeon.  While we want to jump right into surgery, it probably *is* best for Roberto to rest a bit in case he needs to have the open chest surgery (which seems like a strong possibility from how the doctors talk about it).  This also means we get to enjoy a "normal" life for an extra week or two.  But, anyway, ONE MORE DAY!

Chemo - Cycle 4 - Day 3 - Three Down, Two to Go!

Well, it seems that the anti-nausea drug from Monday is wearing off like I feared.  He spent the morning dry heaving, and it continued until we got to the Infusion Center.  I made Roberto take sips of ginger ale and the nurse got him started on his pre-medications early.  Both of those combined seemed to do the trick; Roberto stopped dry heaving as frequently and was able to get some rest in the morning.  The dry heaving still continued but Roberto successfully remained vomit free by the end of the day! 

I'm going to keep this post short.  I gave you guys enough reading for the past two days.  Go out and play some board games for me!

Chemo - Cycle 4 - Day 2 - Life Mimics TV

It's great knowing that the end of the chemotherapy treatment is soon.  The next steps will be getting a CT scan, consulting with the oncologist, and then consulting with the thoracic surgeon.  We still have no information about the surgery since it depends on how much of the tumor is left over from the chemotherapy.  The uncertainty about the surgery is a little scary, but at least it means Roberto is one step closer to being cancer free.

Speaking of Roberto, he had another great day!  The new anti-nausea medication might be doing the trick.  It only lasts for three days, so tomorrow might be a little rough.  The good news is that Roberto will get a second dose on Thursday.

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Here are three fun things I learned in the last couple of weeks: 

1)  Roberto's finger tips are darker than the rest of his skin.  This is because of the chemotherapy.  Skin cells are one of the faster growing cells and so they are affected by the chemotherapy drugs (the drugs target all fast growing cells).  I have no idea the ways in which the skin is affected.  I just know that Roberto obsessed about his skin for a good couple of weeks until we could talk to the oncologist about it (it's normal and will go away).

2)  Some of the nurses at the Infusion Center have Grey's Anatomy (TM) brand of scrubs.  Who knew?

3)  It's really hard to get the word out to people.  Roberto is still getting messages from people who have no idea that he's battling cancer right now!  Either we missed a few key people when getting the news out or Roberto really has a ton of friends.  I guess people don't Facebook stalk like they used to.  *sigh*  Those were the days.

4)  I've been watching a bit of Scrubs lately, and I've started recognizing the drug names.  I don't know if that's a good or bad thing yet.  :-\  Also, I'm very scared of residents now, more than ever.

Okay, keep your fingers crossed for Wednesday!  Hopefully we'll have a strong and healthy Roberto again soon. :)

Chemo - Cycle 4 - Day 1 - Juicing

He's doing good, so far!  Roberto didn't vomit the entire day!  That means we don't have to worry about him not having enough calories for the day and being dehydrated.  The oncologist moved one of the anti-nausea medications to the first day.  It might have made the difference.

We also got a mini-laugh today because Roberto's nurse's name could be interpreted as a stripper name.  hehehe  Any guesses?  No, it's not Krystal.  Try again.   Is it a fact that nurse's with stripper names help people heal faster???  Stripper nurses?  Wait, I'm taking this in a bad direction.

Anyway, Roberto finally understands the benefits of small portions and hydration despite his usual mode of inhaling all food products.  Yesterday, he went to the Latino grocery store in Woodland to get some special carbonated apple juice that is good for nausea (purportedly).  The icebox we use for infusion weeks is packed with the special apple juice, Powerade and plenty of fruits and yogurts.  Thank goodness for the super Safeway sale on Powerades!

This cycle already feels different from the others.  I feel the optimism returning!  I'm super happy that Roberto is starting the week off well.  I'll just have to ignore his twitchy leg that keeps hitting me. 

Only four more days to go!!! 

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I know that it's the end of the treatment, but I wrote this out a while back and decided that maybe it'll be good to just throw out there.  The stuff below is part of the "Hidden Side" stuff I was writing earlier.  We learned about all the drugs in one day for "Chemo Education."  

There are three main chemotherapy drugs that Roberto gets during his infusion week (the first week of each cycle):  Ifosfamide, Etoposide, and Cisplatin.

Roberto has seminoma with elements of teratoma cells.  Seminoma is a type of testicular cancer and it can occur outside of the testicles; this is what Roberto has.  The good thing about seminoma is that it responds well to chemotherapy drugs. 


Ifosfamide
Good:  Used to treat testicular cancer.
Bad:  Destroys the lining of the bladder

This is the drug that requires Roberto to carry around the fanny pack during the chemo week.  The fanny pack administers the drug Mesna to protect his bladder but it must be given continuously.  Usually Bleomycin is given but it causes lung toxicity.  Since Roberto practically had only one lung at the beginning of chemotherapy, the oncologist replaced the Bleomycin with Ifosfamide. 

Etoposide
Good:  Used to treat testicular cancer.
Bad:  Damages vein tissue.

This is where the advantage of the PICC line is apparent.  Since the PICC line goes almost all the way to the heart, it bypasses the smaller veins and the Etoposide doesn't have a chance to damage them.

Cisplatin
Good:  Used to treat testicular cancer.
Bad:  Damages vein tissue; causes kidney toxicity.

*This* is the drug that induces the most vomiting.  Apparently, most people do not handle Cisplatin well, and I guess Roberto is one of them.  Also, partially to combat kidney toxicity, Roberto gets some saline solution at the start and end of the infusion (so before and after all drugs are administered).  The IV fluid is also part of general hydration for Roberto to help him flush the chemicals out of his body. 

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Gold Trophy: Beginning of the End

Well, that usually is an ominous statement, but here we are looking forward to the end of chemotherapy!  Roberto actually said, "This is the beginning of the end," to me while we were walking tonight. We were on the walk because I felt that his anxiety started to increase after Adam left today.  It's a bit different this time because I feel there is also a hint of determination. To help, I also suggested that we try to find a geocache while on our walk.  Geocaching is difficult during the day and it's down right impossible at night!  It was still fun, though. 

It seems that I was a little wrong when I said that I was the only one who remembered that Saturday was our old wedding date.  I was so glad when I got messages from people saying that they *did* remember!  Yay!  I guess I just let myself get caught up in feeling bad.

I forgot to mention yesterday that we had a surprise on our doorstep!

Patti sent us another wonderful plant.  The above flora is a lemon tree!

Also, our card wall is pretty respectable now.  Thanks so much for all the support!  :)

Okay, time to get prepared for the last chemo infusion week!  75% complete.  :)

Cycle 3 - Day 21

Cloudy with a Chance of Rain

On Friday, the weather forecast called for a 50% chance of rain for Saturday.  I watched that probability become absolutely 100% as Roberto and I lounged around in the living room eating lunch as the ground become splotchy with sprinkles and later glistened with puddles.  I can tell you with certainty that I would have been a complete basket case if we had the wedding today. 

Turns out, I was the only one who remembered that Saturday was Roberto's and my wedding day (except for the few eagle-eyed people who read my post a couple of days ago - thank you for your messages!!!).  It was good not to make a big deal about it, but I felt so weirdly alone today. 

Maybe the gloomy, grey weather affected me more than I thought because I wasn't alone.  Jim and baby Sophia stopped by to have dinner and play some games.  We tried out Ghost Stories and it is such a hard game!  And it's crazy addicting!  I really want to try to get through at least half of the ghosts instead of a quarter of them.  :\  By the way, we are playing on the easy setting. 

Roberto is not as anxious about this coming infusion week as he was before the third cycle.  Tomorrow we'll just hang out at home, play games, watch tv, and I'll listen to the Niners game on the radio.  Kapernick is going to make up for last week, right?  Right???

Cycle 3 - Day 20

Monk Time

We had a good visit at the oncologist's office today.  The nurse today was awesome.  She was faster at drawing Roberto's blood than other nurses Roberto's had and changed his dressing in record time!  Since we were done so quickly, we got to sit around for over 30 minutes until Roberto's second appointment time.  :\

Roberto's platelet counts have remained around the same amount: 76.  I have no idea what this number is but I do know that 25 was the bad number we didn't want to be at or below.  Anyway, that great number means *no* blood infusion is required.  Yay!  One less thing to do.

For our exciting Friday night, we finally learned how to play Ghost Stories!  The evil Wu-Feng is trying to escape his spiritual prison to destroy the world.  Only the holy Taoist monks stand in his way.  I learned that I'm a terrible Taoist monk who is easily defeated by the ghost minions of Wu-Feng.  I haven't even faced Wu-Feng yet!  :( 

Also, Roberto got a couple more cards and some gifts from Jessica! 

 We are big fans of the Buff!  They are great for runners as they can be reshaped to cover the head/neck/face.  :D  Not sure when Roberto can use those glow-glasses, but maybe an Electric Run is in our future? We also got a gardening book from Tasia!  Yay!  Maybe those plants will listen to me now!  Grrr.

Cycle 3 - Day 19

Robostrong Bracelets!

Roberto had a great couple of days.  I figured it wasn't worth blogging about another day of watching tv.  However, he didn't feel at 100% today.  I think he felt nauseated so I made him take some anti-nausea medicine.  Hopefully he did not catch some sort of virus or anything.  I'm going to keep an eye out for a fever, though.

Our roommate, Aubrey, bought a few awesome "Robostrong" bracelets!  It was so hard to take a picture of it.  We have a few extras to hand out, so claim yours today!

I found myself looking at upcoming events that I normally would coerce Roberto into doing with me.  Here are a few of the things I want/wanted to do!

Lost Sierra Endurance Run
http://www.lostsierraendurancerun.com/

Zombie Preparedness!
http://www.rei.com/event/45517/session/77681

Archer Live!
http://www.axs.com/events/244767/archer-live-tour-tickets?skin=goldenvoice

Missed Events.  :(

http://sacburgerbattle.com/

I could be trying to distract myself from the fact that Saturday was supposed to be our wedding day.  It'll be just another Saturday now.  Nothing special.  

Tomorrow, Roberto will have his blood drawn and analyzed so the oncologist can make sure Roberto is healthy enough to start the fourth round.  We are almost at the end!

Cycle 3 - Day 18

The Day Where Nothing Happened

Not that I'm complaining or anything. 

Roberto had another great day of feeling good and even had 3/4ths of a coffee cake.  This was not a tiny cake either.  That's pretty normal for him so I guess that's good?  I still think the amount of cake he eats in one sitting is ridiculous.  He can eat three conchas in one sitting.  Those things are as wide as my face!  Wait, my face isn't abnormally large.  It's normal size?  I mean, the conchas are still quite big ... ...   :(

His energy level wavered a bit in the afternoon (so he tells me). I can't tell if he didn't get a good night's rest or just had low energy.  :\  Well, at least he's totally asleep now sans twitching!  Hooray!  Although, I was starting to find his twitches humorous.  *sigh*  Does that make me a bad person???

Below is a current view of the card wall.  We still have a couple more cards to add!  It's so great to receive the well-wishes.  :) 

I can tell that Roberto has less anxiety about this upcoming round.  He's more carefree and has fewer moments of him saying, "This sucks so much!"  Cycle 4 will be tough, but at least we know it's the last one. I keep repeating that but that's because it helps so much to put the next cycle in perspective since it will be another horrible week.  We're 57 of 84 days through (I'm counting the recovery weeks of the 4th cycle)!  That's 68%.  :)

Cycle 3 - Day 15

Did Berto Survive the Weekend?

Answer:  Yes!

Santa Cruz was nice but was not the relaxing time I was promised.  I spent most of my time helping my sister move.  That's fine since moving is such a pain without help.  At night, the wildlife came out and I got to see a few angry cats (raccoons) running in the bushes and some confused deer skittering across the road.

I also did some geocaching!  My family and I were at a spot where Roberto and I had tried to find a geocache but failed.  To my mom's and sister's astonishment, I easily found the geocache at a lamp post in a few seconds. I think the geocaching bug bit me because I'm thinking about going geocaching in Davis again. 

Roberto had some fun hanging out with friends who took him to Burgers and Brew and played plenty of board games with him. :)  I'm glad people were around to keep an eye on Berto.  He didn't feel well on Friday when we got his PICC dressing changed.  I'm not sure if he physically didn't feel well or had psychosomatic symptoms because we went to the hospital in the morning.  Nonetheless, he recovered nicely in time for the weekend.

It's a little scary that Roberto is not bouncing back as quickly after the third cycle.  This means I have to monitor him a bit closer.  At least the cycle coming up will be the last of this 12-week plan.  We'll be done with this phase of his treatment soon!!!  Just seven days left of Cycle 3.  :D

Cycle 3 - Day 14

Peace Out!

Last post of the week!  I'm off to Santa Cruz to visit my sister and apparently it's my family's way of forcing me to take some time off of taking care of Roberto.  I've made sure that Roberto has plenty of jambalaya to eat and some friends will be visiting him over the weekend so he won't be alone with his Starcraft. 

Roberto's had trouble sleeping the last few nights and it might be due to his twitches.  He's off all medication so it might be lingering side effects from the infusion week.  He's totally sleeping like a big baby right now so maybe he will get a good night's rest today. 

Cycle 3 - Day 11 - again

Hidden Side of Cancer - Part 2

Cycle 3 - Day 11

Wednesdays are super busy for me and I didn't get a chance to write an update last night!  I'm glad to report that Roberto is doing much better now and is getting more and more energy each day.  He's still having trouble sleeping at night.  The oncologist did prescribe a new sleep aid for Roberto, but he's been a bit cautious with new medication after his reaction to Ambien. 

I might slow down on the posts since there won't be too much to report now.  Or I might just keep posting things about board games.  Who knows?

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The lack of exciting Roberto news does mean I get to do an educational post (blame the teacher in me).  I started the Hidden Side posts to share the things we learned about either in the *one day* of Chemo Education Roberto and I received or things we've picked up along the way.  We learned about most of the topics below during the Chemo Education day. 


Watching Out for Germs

I've probably mentioned Roberto's increased risk for getting sick now that he's receiving chemotherapy.  The chemotherapy drugs themselves simply target rapidly growing cells which include cancer cells and blood cells.  As the chemotherapy treatment progresses, Roberto's blood cell counts (white and red) have slowly decreased.  One good thing is the Neulasta shot that Roberto receives at the end of each infusion week.  Neulasta promotes the growth of white blood cells by making the bone marrow do something crazy.

Still, Roberto's white blood cell count is low on certain days so it's important for him to not be in contact with sick people or germs.  It helps to keep him at home so that minimizes his contact with people.  Of all things, we had to prohibit contact with a baby because she recently had her immunization shots and was full of viruses! Dirty viruses!

We also have to be careful about the food we give Roberto.  While we want to give him fresh, healthy food, there is a limit.  For example, fruits that can be peeled, like bananas, are fine since they are protected with their peel.  On the other hand, berries are not because there's no way to fully clean the possible dirt and germs from them.  Vegetables are a little easier since we can cook the s**t out of them. 

Red Blood Cells

While Neulasta forces Roberto's body to make white blood cells, we recently learned that there's no wonder drug to promote the growth of red blood cells.  Moreover, Roberto's platelet count is nearing very low levels.  If his levels get too low, Roberto will require a blood transfusion before continuing with the chemotherapy.  Another good use of blood to make me feel guilty for not donating (Roberto donates all the time and hassles me about my dislike of needles).

Every Chemotherapy Plan is Different

Roberto has an infusion of chemotherapy drugs for six hours straight for five consecutive days.  Sitting at the Infusion Center for such a long time, we noticed that the other patients didn't stay as long as Roberto and didn't come in every day like him either.  For example, some patients would come for a couple of hours every few days.  Just to make sure our oncologist wasn't putting Roberto through some sort of torture, we asked the nurses about this difference.  The nurses told us that Roberto is on an intensive chemotherapy plan.  I guess this makes sense since Roberto tumor nearly (or did) double in size in one month.

You're Going To Lose Weight

During the first week of each cycle (infusion week), Roberto loses weight simply from lack of eating.  Unless you're on the Biggest Loser, it's not great to lose that many pounds in a week.  Fortunately, he gains some of the weight back during the two recovery weeks in the form of In and Out burgers.

Pepper Nubs

Finally, a return to normal!  Roberto felt great in the morning and said that the magical combination of water and Powerades he drank through the night really did the trick.  :) I think it helped flush out the chemicals from last week.  We'll ignore the fact that he didn't get much sleep last night.  :\

We kept him to modest food portions throughout the day to keep up the treaty we have with this stomach (the "we give you small bits of food and you don't throw it up" treaty).  Roberto was feeling so good that I made him lasagna.  My roommate told me a picture of it was Facebook worthy, but I was so hungry that I just dug into it and forgot to take a picture.  Roberto was good and ate small portions throughout the night.

I can tell when Roberto feels better because he starts fussing over the plants in our "garden."  Here's a picture of the plants:

They look good?  Well, they aren't dead, so that's good.  The dahlia might be thinking about flowering again but I'm not sure.  I've been hoping all summer that the tomato plant would fruit but to no avail.  There are the little pepper nubs!

Don't get too excited, though.  They've been that size for about the last two weeks.  :\  Anyway, on the days that Roberto is feeling better, he rushes out to the patio to water and feed the plants the special food he bought for them.  I'm almost jeal... no, wait.  This is the same path I went down with the cars.  I'm not doing that again.

Before bed, we went out for another walk around the neighborhood.  I think the modest exercise is good for him and it gives us a nice chance to talk about what's on our minds and how our day went.  You know, as if we were chatting online.  Those kinds of talks.  We also had run-ins with a cat and slug!  Okay, wow, that was much more mundane after I typed it out.

All in all, it was a good day.  :)  Roberto can finally enjoy his two weeks of recovery.

Cycle 3 - Day 9

Bread and Butter

Roberto is still sick.  :(  The effects of the chemotherapy drugs seem to be lingering much longer than any of us have expected.  He has more energy but he is still throwing up his food and has the weird twitches.  Our current plan of attack is to have him drink lots of water so he can flush out the drugs from last week.  Also, small food portions.  The teeniest food portions.  And no more self-medicating!

He finished the tiger!

I mentioned this to my mom and she's now planning on buying more kits. :-P

At night, we went on a short walk around the neighborhood to get rid of Roberto's jitters so he could sleep later.  It was also a nice opportunity to just talk about what's going on.  I think it was good for Roberto to some things off his chest.

Hopefully Roberto will be inhaling In and Out burgers by the end of the week.   :)

Cycle 3 - Day 8 

Arts and Crafts

Today was a nice relaxing day at home.  Roberto and the food he ate finally came to a mutual understanding: he eats the food and the food stays in his tummy.  I won't get into the incident with orange juice in the morning.  There was also a close call in the afternoon but we were able to calm down Roberto's stomach with some well-timed medication and him lying on the floor. 

The venerable Doug stopped by to simply do groceries!  I tried to talk him out of it, but he insisted that he was going to drive to Davis anyway.  It was really nice to see Doug again and it made Roberto happy as well despite him still feeling sick.  Even though groceries were wonderful on their own, Doug also brought lovely miniature roses!  Roberto is already making plans to re-pot them in a larger container. 

Roberto's been antsy since the end of the infusion week.  I think it might be a side effect of one or more of the drugs from the infusion week.  He has trouble sitting still and gets up frequently to walk around which is sort of challenging because our place is small.  Before Roberto's chemotherapy started, my mom bought him a bunch of artsy things to keep him preoccupied.  For some reason, today he rediscovered the bag of goodies and got to work. 

Below is the half-painted plywood tiger.  Rawr!

I haven't seen Roberto sit and focus so intensely except for when he plays Starcraft.  :P  He'll probably be done with the tiger tomorrow.  I kinda hope this doesn't catch on as a hobby; I don't particularly want tons of these around the apartment. Believe me, I've seen it before: polar bears and elephants invading a household with pieces hung on the wall and others hidden all about.  It was terrifying.

Roberto has taken the dangerous path of taking some of his medication on his own without looking up the side-effects.  He was already banned from taking medication on his own, but I guess today he decided that he knew better.  The wonderful anti-nausea medicine that helped him in the afternoon also causes drowsiness.  What better than to use the same drug as a sleep aid!  *rolling eyes smiley*  Well, unbeknownst to Roberto, the drug also causes twitching.  Sooooo much twitching.  He's "dancing" in bed!  :( 

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Now that Roberto is on the other side of the infusion week, he is happier that his body is slowly returning to normal.  It's hard on him to stay strong during the week because it's simply torture for him and makes it difficult for him to remember that he'll be back to normal at the end of the week.  After the next two weeks of recovery, there will be one more cycle.  We all have to try to keep him Robostrong!

Cycle 3 - Day 7

A Green Thumb!

Cycle 3 - Day 6

Roberto is slowly returning to his awesome self.  He didn't sleep the entire day and he tried eating more than yogurt and soup.  I can tell his appetite is coming back because he's made requests for his favorite foods already.  We have to get him eating again because he lost over 10 pounds during the infusion week.  There's still trouble with eating too much food in one sitting.  He couldn't keep down two meals today.  We'll try again tomorrow but with smaller portions and spacing out the meal times.  He's so used to inhaling his food that it's hard for him to restrain himself! 

We went back to the hospital today so Roberto could return the fanny pack of Mesna medication and so he could get his Neulasta shot.  The appointment today was kinda lame because our nurse seemed over-booked.  I think the appointment was supposed to be up to 1.5 hours long but we were there for 2.5 hours.  I agree, it's not the most terrible thing in the world.  However, it makes doctor and hospital appointments that much more unpredictable and harder to schedule around. 

A nice thing today is that Roberto felt well enough to work on the garden again.  He had bought some stakes and plant food and went around to all the plants to give them a trim and some nutrients.  It's great to see him do something other than sleep/be sick/watch tv/play Starcraft.  :P

Here is the bounty of gifts and cards we received this week! 

We got more stuff from Tom: board games Pandemic and Ghost Stories and a three wolf shirt for me!  I've been wanting those games for a long time now.  They are both cooperative board games which is somewhat rare.  I've played Pandemic plenty of times but only heard good things about Ghost Stories.  The wolf shirt just allows me to be as awesome as Roberto.  Also, we all know that cancer is terrified of wolves. 

The lovely Caitlin sent Roberto some lotion and a candle.  I can't wait to light the candle!  The lotion is great because Roberto's skin has been getting dry recently because of the dry, hot weather.  Patti sent us the pretty picture frame.  We'll have to get a great post-cancer picture for it to hold.

Chemo - Cycle 3 - Day 5 - It is Done!

Yay!  We made it to the end of the infusion week!  Now it's time to start the recovery period and eat eat eat.  Roberto is still vomiting, but we were able to give him a tiny bowl of soup and noodles for dinner so he upgraded from the broth of the other day.  He's actually getting tired of sleeping but can't help it since he feels so terrible.  I hope to report tomorrow that he's feeling energetic enough to hang out and watch some tv or play a board game or two.

We've received so many fun packages during the week but I've been too busy to write up a proper post about them and take pictures.  Also, Roberto's been too sick and tired to read cards or look at the gifts.  I don't think it would be quite fair for us to enjoy the gifts before Roberto does.  Well, I might have started enjoying one thing ... *guileful smiley*

By the way, I'm feeling much better today.   I can't believe I wrote about crying in the post as I am  usually a pretty private person about those kinds of things.  However, writing it out and organizing my thoughts about it helped me quite a bit.  I found a nice replacement coffee pot and decided against buying a whole new coffee maker.  Besides, I can spend the money on a new mug and add it to my collection.  *grinning smiley*

Chemo - Cycle 3 - Day 4 - Straw for the Camel

First, I want to say that Roberto is doing slightly better now.  Roberto sleeps for most of the day now and he's not vomiting any more but there's still some dry heaving.  Perhaps the new anti-nausea medication is working?  He still not eating enough for a grown man: a couple of peaches, a yogurt and a cup of broth.  That's for the whole day;  I doubt that would get me through lunch.  The win, though, is that he's keeping all those calories instead of throwing them up. 

Second, I cried today.  I cried a big cry.  Surprisingly (maybe?), this was only the second time I cried since we learned about Roberto's cancer.  This is coming from someone who tears up at movies and corny reality TV shows.  The thing that pushed me over the edge wasn't the huge pile of laundry mocking my laziness or me cracking my beloved glass coffee pot on the counter.  It was receiving a friendly call from our wedding caterer asking about our final payment. 

It surprised me that I started crying during the phone call to explain, yet again, that I had to postpone the wedding since I had done it so many times before.  Hearing the surprise and shock from the co-owner of the catering company didn't help me either and I barely made it to the end of the call. 

I felt so guilty crying over the wedding when Roberto has to endure so much suffering, but there I was grabbing tissue after tissue to wipe the tears away.  As I laid on the couch in the fetal position with tears running down my face, I realized that I had been courageous for Roberto, family, and friends but, maybe, I forgot to save some courage for myself. 

I'm sure I was crying for more than simply the wedding.  There's the stress of watching Roberto be sick for an entire week; helping him emotionally deal with anxiety about chemotherapy; the sleepless nights when he has difficulty sleeping; and running from one medical appointment to another.  Then there's the times when my brain wanders into the "what if" zone.  What if the chemotherapy doesn't work?  What if something goes wrong in the surgery?  What if the cancer comes back and is harder to treat?

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I had a lot on my mind.  I had a lot of stored up emotion that hadn't been properly expressed or even felt.  It was good to have that big cry and to let out all the sadness and worry.

I'm sure it'll be difficult to believe me now when I say, "I'm doing fine.  No, really, I'm fine.  Seriously, I'm okay.  Stop looking at me like that."  I think it would be more worrisome if I didn't cry at all or at least convey some fears or worries.  Also, I know this post is sad in a generally positive blog, but this is my way to let you all know that I'm NOT in denial about the whole thing even though I'm using humor as a defense mechanism (it's my courage shield).

Breaking that coffee pot really did upset me, though, so I think it's time for some retail therapy.

Chemo - Cycle 3 - Day 3 - Hump Day

A cliche title for another day of Roberto feeling terrible.  I had a really busy day, so this post will be super short.  Roberto did slightly better today in that he kept down most of the food he ate.  His diet consisted mostly of fruits.  Hopefully tomorrow we can get him to eat some protein.  We'll see if the new anti-nausea medication does the trick.

Robostrong!

Chemo - Cycle 3 - Day 2 - More of the Same

I can't believe it's only been two days of the infusion week.  Roberto still has difficulty keeping food down and the anti-nausea medication seems to have minimal effect on him.  However, I don't know how must worse it would be if he wasn't taking the anti-nausea medication at all.  The oncologist stated that patients on similar chemo drugs as Roberto would vomit the entire week of infusion.  That seems to be more and more true for Roberto as we continue with the chemotherapy.

Roberto also had trouble sleeping last night.  A few of the anti-nausea medications make him restless.  His leg starts twitching and I think he wakes himself up.  At least, it wakes me up when he lightly kicks me and then I let out a little grunt or cry and *that* probably wakes him up.  It basically becomes a chain of sleep-inhibiting actions.  I gave him a quick back massage before bed today - we'll see if that does the trick.

The nurse told us in July, at the beginning of chemotherapy, that it might help to set goals for each day so it felt as though something was accomplished.  I used to set goals of eating a certain amount of food but that doesn't even seem feasible anymore with Roberto unable to finish half a pint of smoothie.  Tomorrow (Wednesday), Roberto will be given new anti-nausea medication.  I hope that it will allow Roberto to eat more than a single pear and two crackers. 

Chemo - Cycle 3 - Day 1 - The Start of a Long Week

Today did not start off well.  In the morning, I could tell that the anticipation of vomiting was weighing on Roberto's mind as he somberly organized his bag of medicine, candy, and other sundries for the infusion week.  He was almost dragging his feet as we went to the car. 

We arrived at the hospital and settled in at the Infusion Center just fine; going to the Infusion Center is becoming so routine now that the valet parking attendants recognize us.  Things seemed to be going along as normal as the nurse cheerily hooked Roberto up to the infusion machine and discussed the changes to Roberto's chemo treatment with him.  Adam graciously got an In and Out lunch for Roberto and me, which we happily scarfed down.  Roberto semi-prognosticated when he said, "I hope I only taste this once."  I left shortly afterwards to run some errands and get some work done at home.

Later, I learned that Roberto *did* throw up at the Infusion Center about 30 minutes after eating, and a second time once at home.  :\  Vomiting this early in the week does not bode well for the rest of the week as he usually does not eat that much food once he has vomited during treatment.  The oncologist is putting Roberto on a new anti-nausea medicine on Wednesday, and we are hoping that will do the trick and prevent any more vomiting during the last half of the week.

Roberto's diet for today consisted of cereal, half a peach, and 8 oz of a homemade smoothie.  That's actually more than what he usually eats when he's not feeling well.   Usually he can only stomach half a yogurt in the morning and a couple of tiny bowls of soup for dinner.  One good thing is that he was awake and mostly alert when he was home and didn't take long naps.  Hopefully that means he'll get a good night's rest.

Tour de Infusion Center

Last day of Cycle 2!  We spent the day relaxing and enjoying the Labor Day weekend.  We tried out the board game Flashpoint.  It's a cooperative game where each player is a firefighter and players must save people trapped in a house.  Putting out fires is actually a secondary goal as there are explosions occurring every turn!  Here's a recreation of the board (I forgot to take a picture of it after we were done).

Half of our team died each game because the building collapsed on them.  It didn't help that the residents kept multiple gasoline cans in various rooms of the house.  Also, me chopping down walls to get to people probably didn't help either.  :\

Roberto is doing well but is not looking forward to the next cycle, understandably.  In a weird way, I'm no longer anxious about the cycles.  There hasn't been much difference between the first and second cycles.  Enduring the week while watching Roberto won't be easy, but at least I know what to expect this time around and have plenty of soup, ginger ale, and ginger candy stocked and ready to go. 

This is the end of week 6!  Only 50% left to go.  :)

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So, as a bonus, I took some pictures of the hospital so everyone can get a visual of where Roberto spends his week of terribleness (a.k.a. chemo infusion week). 

The Infusion Center is on the third floor, so we take the elevators.  Once we reach the third floor, this visual greets us:

No, this is not an episode of Dexter brought to life.  The building is undergoing a renovation so parts of the floor are blocked off.

Turning right, we have a more friendly scene. 

Below is Roberto in the cozy waiting room.  We usually don't have to spend too much time in here because Roberto gets the 8 am appointments. 

The whole waiting room.  I know, these are getting really exciting.

A view of the Infusion Center from our little room.  Each patient gets their own little, private space.  Each space has a tv also so patients and visitors can watch tv together to pass the time.  I put black dots on peoples' faces to keep them (sort of) anonymous.

They keep the center cold for some reason.  So, they have this nifty blanket oven to keep blankets nice and warm for patients.  There's a little kitchen area to the left side of this picture where they leave left over bags of chips and pretzels, juice boxes, and water.  I recently discovered the pretzels, which might not be good for me in the long run.

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Cycle 2 - Day 21