A Green Thumb!

Cycle 3 - Day 6

Roberto is slowly returning to his awesome self.  He didn't sleep the entire day and he tried eating more than yogurt and soup.  I can tell his appetite is coming back because he's made requests for his favorite foods already.  We have to get him eating again because he lost over 10 pounds during the infusion week.  There's still trouble with eating too much food in one sitting.  He couldn't keep down two meals today.  We'll try again tomorrow but with smaller portions and spacing out the meal times.  He's so used to inhaling his food that it's hard for him to restrain himself! 

We went back to the hospital today so Roberto could return the fanny pack of Mesna medication and so he could get his Neulasta shot.  The appointment today was kinda lame because our nurse seemed over-booked.  I think the appointment was supposed to be up to 1.5 hours long but we were there for 2.5 hours.  I agree, it's not the most terrible thing in the world.  However, it makes doctor and hospital appointments that much more unpredictable and harder to schedule around. 

A nice thing today is that Roberto felt well enough to work on the garden again.  He had bought some stakes and plant food and went around to all the plants to give them a trim and some nutrients.  It's great to see him do something other than sleep/be sick/watch tv/play Starcraft.  :P

Here is the bounty of gifts and cards we received this week! 

We got more stuff from Tom: board games Pandemic and Ghost Stories and a three wolf shirt for me!  I've been wanting those games for a long time now.  They are both cooperative board games which is somewhat rare.  I've played Pandemic plenty of times but only heard good things about Ghost Stories.  The wolf shirt just allows me to be as awesome as Roberto.  Also, we all know that cancer is terrified of wolves. 

The lovely Caitlin sent Roberto some lotion and a candle.  I can't wait to light the candle!  The lotion is great because Roberto's skin has been getting dry recently because of the dry, hot weather.  Patti sent us the pretty picture frame.  We'll have to get a great post-cancer picture for it to hold.

Chemo - Cycle 3 - Day 5 - It is Done!

Yay!  We made it to the end of the infusion week!  Now it's time to start the recovery period and eat eat eat.  Roberto is still vomiting, but we were able to give him a tiny bowl of soup and noodles for dinner so he upgraded from the broth of the other day.  He's actually getting tired of sleeping but can't help it since he feels so terrible.  I hope to report tomorrow that he's feeling energetic enough to hang out and watch some tv or play a board game or two.

We've received so many fun packages during the week but I've been too busy to write up a proper post about them and take pictures.  Also, Roberto's been too sick and tired to read cards or look at the gifts.  I don't think it would be quite fair for us to enjoy the gifts before Roberto does.  Well, I might have started enjoying one thing ... *guileful smiley*

By the way, I'm feeling much better today.   I can't believe I wrote about crying in the post as I am  usually a pretty private person about those kinds of things.  However, writing it out and organizing my thoughts about it helped me quite a bit.  I found a nice replacement coffee pot and decided against buying a whole new coffee maker.  Besides, I can spend the money on a new mug and add it to my collection.  *grinning smiley*

Chemo - Cycle 3 - Day 4 - Straw for the Camel

First, I want to say that Roberto is doing slightly better now.  Roberto sleeps for most of the day now and he's not vomiting any more but there's still some dry heaving.  Perhaps the new anti-nausea medication is working?  He still not eating enough for a grown man: a couple of peaches, a yogurt and a cup of broth.  That's for the whole day;  I doubt that would get me through lunch.  The win, though, is that he's keeping all those calories instead of throwing them up. 

Second, I cried today.  I cried a big cry.  Surprisingly (maybe?), this was only the second time I cried since we learned about Roberto's cancer.  This is coming from someone who tears up at movies and corny reality TV shows.  The thing that pushed me over the edge wasn't the huge pile of laundry mocking my laziness or me cracking my beloved glass coffee pot on the counter.  It was receiving a friendly call from our wedding caterer asking about our final payment. 

It surprised me that I started crying during the phone call to explain, yet again, that I had to postpone the wedding since I had done it so many times before.  Hearing the surprise and shock from the co-owner of the catering company didn't help me either and I barely made it to the end of the call. 

I felt so guilty crying over the wedding when Roberto has to endure so much suffering, but there I was grabbing tissue after tissue to wipe the tears away.  As I laid on the couch in the fetal position with tears running down my face, I realized that I had been courageous for Roberto, family, and friends but, maybe, I forgot to save some courage for myself. 

I'm sure I was crying for more than simply the wedding.  There's the stress of watching Roberto be sick for an entire week; helping him emotionally deal with anxiety about chemotherapy; the sleepless nights when he has difficulty sleeping; and running from one medical appointment to another.  Then there's the times when my brain wanders into the "what if" zone.  What if the chemotherapy doesn't work?  What if something goes wrong in the surgery?  What if the cancer comes back and is harder to treat?

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I had a lot on my mind.  I had a lot of stored up emotion that hadn't been properly expressed or even felt.  It was good to have that big cry and to let out all the sadness and worry.

I'm sure it'll be difficult to believe me now when I say, "I'm doing fine.  No, really, I'm fine.  Seriously, I'm okay.  Stop looking at me like that."  I think it would be more worrisome if I didn't cry at all or at least convey some fears or worries.  Also, I know this post is sad in a generally positive blog, but this is my way to let you all know that I'm NOT in denial about the whole thing even though I'm using humor as a defense mechanism (it's my courage shield).

Breaking that coffee pot really did upset me, though, so I think it's time for some retail therapy.

Chemo - Cycle 3 - Day 3 - Hump Day

A cliche title for another day of Roberto feeling terrible.  I had a really busy day, so this post will be super short.  Roberto did slightly better today in that he kept down most of the food he ate.  His diet consisted mostly of fruits.  Hopefully tomorrow we can get him to eat some protein.  We'll see if the new anti-nausea medication does the trick.

Robostrong!

Chemo - Cycle 3 - Day 2 - More of the Same

I can't believe it's only been two days of the infusion week.  Roberto still has difficulty keeping food down and the anti-nausea medication seems to have minimal effect on him.  However, I don't know how must worse it would be if he wasn't taking the anti-nausea medication at all.  The oncologist stated that patients on similar chemo drugs as Roberto would vomit the entire week of infusion.  That seems to be more and more true for Roberto as we continue with the chemotherapy.

Roberto also had trouble sleeping last night.  A few of the anti-nausea medications make him restless.  His leg starts twitching and I think he wakes himself up.  At least, it wakes me up when he lightly kicks me and then I let out a little grunt or cry and *that* probably wakes him up.  It basically becomes a chain of sleep-inhibiting actions.  I gave him a quick back massage before bed today - we'll see if that does the trick.

The nurse told us in July, at the beginning of chemotherapy, that it might help to set goals for each day so it felt as though something was accomplished.  I used to set goals of eating a certain amount of food but that doesn't even seem feasible anymore with Roberto unable to finish half a pint of smoothie.  Tomorrow (Wednesday), Roberto will be given new anti-nausea medication.  I hope that it will allow Roberto to eat more than a single pear and two crackers. 

Chemo - Cycle 3 - Day 1 - The Start of a Long Week

Today did not start off well.  In the morning, I could tell that the anticipation of vomiting was weighing on Roberto's mind as he somberly organized his bag of medicine, candy, and other sundries for the infusion week.  He was almost dragging his feet as we went to the car. 

We arrived at the hospital and settled in at the Infusion Center just fine; going to the Infusion Center is becoming so routine now that the valet parking attendants recognize us.  Things seemed to be going along as normal as the nurse cheerily hooked Roberto up to the infusion machine and discussed the changes to Roberto's chemo treatment with him.  Adam graciously got an In and Out lunch for Roberto and me, which we happily scarfed down.  Roberto semi-prognosticated when he said, "I hope I only taste this once."  I left shortly afterwards to run some errands and get some work done at home.

Later, I learned that Roberto *did* throw up at the Infusion Center about 30 minutes after eating, and a second time once at home.  :\  Vomiting this early in the week does not bode well for the rest of the week as he usually does not eat that much food once he has vomited during treatment.  The oncologist is putting Roberto on a new anti-nausea medicine on Wednesday, and we are hoping that will do the trick and prevent any more vomiting during the last half of the week.

Roberto's diet for today consisted of cereal, half a peach, and 8 oz of a homemade smoothie.  That's actually more than what he usually eats when he's not feeling well.   Usually he can only stomach half a yogurt in the morning and a couple of tiny bowls of soup for dinner.  One good thing is that he was awake and mostly alert when he was home and didn't take long naps.  Hopefully that means he'll get a good night's rest.