Not Out of the Woods

Roberto did not have a great day despite me throwing at him all the possible anti-nausea medication I could get my hands on.  Only one meal was able to stay in his stomach today and that was a single Asian pear.  He tried eating many other fruits and soups, but those didn't stay down. 

When he was awake, he wanted to do something so I gave him the other wooden puzzle toy my mom bought (a dragon!) but apparently it was super complicated with all the scale parts.  Then Roberto and I played the board game Formula D which simulates formula 1 racing.  Roberto was still scarred from the fiery crash he suffered the last time he played so he was conservative with his car.  I, on the other hand, went wild around the turns and won!  I don't mean to disparage Roberto when I say that the game was pretty simple in that one rolls a die and moves a tiny race car; playing the game totally wiped Roberto of energy.  That's when we moved into the session of watching a Starcraft tournament.  I've come to realize that I've learned an unpleasant amount about Starcraft from watching these episodes with Roberto.  Banelings!  Pylons!  GG!!!

Besides the above activities, we spent the day going upstairs and back downstairs depending on Roberto's comfort level and desire to sleep.  I say "we" because he doesn't want to be alone. While he is sleepy, he doesn't quite stay asleep and I think he's becoming anxious since he is not recovering very quickly.  He kept telling me that he wished he didn't feel so terrible.  Right now, I think my presence is helping because he is totally snoring.

I hope tomorrow is a little better for him.  Robostrong!

Cycle 4 - Day 7

He Earned It!

Cycle 4 - Day 6 (Saturday)

I'm still keeping track of the days of the cycle because the two recovery weeks after the infusion is technically part of the chemotherapy treatment.  

Our (last???) visit to the Infusion Center today came with a reward! 

Roberto got a special certificate for completing his chemotherapy treatment.  The nurses signed the certificate at the bottom.  The certificate has a special place at the top of the card wall.  Roberto is definitely happy that he doesn't have to get the chemo drugs pumped through his body anymore.  He's focusing on regaining his strength and getting ready for the surgery. 

In addition to receiving his certificate, Roberto also had his PICC line removed (as promised).  The nurse simply pulled the PICC line out of Roberto's arm.  It was amazing and disgusting.  There was even a countdown as the line neared the last 10 centimeters.  The nurse sort of cheated at the end because Roberto was getting a little freaked out by the whole process (I was definitely squirming).  I have no idea how well you can see it in this video, but here it is:

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Overall, today was okay.  Roberto, I think, wants to recover faster than his body will allow.  The morning started off well with him eating some fruit.  Then he wanted to go for a quick walk around the block.  After the trip to the Infusion Center, I made him my specialty of "egg in a hole" - an egg fried inside a piece of bread, but then threw it up later.  Then Adam made him some nice soup.  I think that's where Roberto should have stopped but he couldn't refuse the rice/bean/veggie thing that Adam made for dinner.

This post is going up late because Roberto wanted to go on a nearly midnight walk because he was having trouble sleeping.  Not even 10 yards from our apartment, Roberto threw up his dinner.  I was so surprised because it had been so long since he had eaten.  Roberto was going to keep walking but I dragged him back home and got him back into bed with some ginger ale.  He's finally sleeping soundly.

It's always so hard to see him so sick like this.  Let's hope that tomorrow is better. 

Bread and Butter

Roberto is still sick.  :(  The effects of the chemotherapy drugs seem to be lingering much longer than any of us have expected.  He has more energy but he is still throwing up his food and has the weird twitches.  Our current plan of attack is to have him drink lots of water so he can flush out the drugs from last week.  Also, small food portions.  The teeniest food portions.  And no more self-medicating!

He finished the tiger!

I mentioned this to my mom and she's now planning on buying more kits. :-P

At night, we went on a short walk around the neighborhood to get rid of Roberto's jitters so he could sleep later.  It was also a nice opportunity to just talk about what's going on.  I think it was good for Roberto to some things off his chest.

Hopefully Roberto will be inhaling In and Out burgers by the end of the week.   :)

Cycle 3 - Day 8 

Chemo - Cycle 3 - Day 1 - The Start of a Long Week

Today did not start off well.  In the morning, I could tell that the anticipation of vomiting was weighing on Roberto's mind as he somberly organized his bag of medicine, candy, and other sundries for the infusion week.  He was almost dragging his feet as we went to the car. 

We arrived at the hospital and settled in at the Infusion Center just fine; going to the Infusion Center is becoming so routine now that the valet parking attendants recognize us.  Things seemed to be going along as normal as the nurse cheerily hooked Roberto up to the infusion machine and discussed the changes to Roberto's chemo treatment with him.  Adam graciously got an In and Out lunch for Roberto and me, which we happily scarfed down.  Roberto semi-prognosticated when he said, "I hope I only taste this once."  I left shortly afterwards to run some errands and get some work done at home.

Later, I learned that Roberto *did* throw up at the Infusion Center about 30 minutes after eating, and a second time once at home.  :\  Vomiting this early in the week does not bode well for the rest of the week as he usually does not eat that much food once he has vomited during treatment.  The oncologist is putting Roberto on a new anti-nausea medicine on Wednesday, and we are hoping that will do the trick and prevent any more vomiting during the last half of the week.

Roberto's diet for today consisted of cereal, half a peach, and 8 oz of a homemade smoothie.  That's actually more than what he usually eats when he's not feeling well.   Usually he can only stomach half a yogurt in the morning and a couple of tiny bowls of soup for dinner.  One good thing is that he was awake and mostly alert when he was home and didn't take long naps.  Hopefully that means he'll get a good night's rest.

A Boring Day

Sunday night was another restless night for Roberto, but not as much as the previous nights.  He still had the little soccer kick when sleeping while I was trying to fall asleep.  Roberto told me in the morning that he was actually pretty active last night.  He woke up at some point and got a glass of orange juice arranged the comforter on the floor as a makeshift bed so he could sleep on the floor. 
Yup, he's still sleeping on the floor.  I'll whisk him to a masseuse this week.

Today, Roberto ate more food!  He got his In and Out with Tarik and me.  Roberto remarked while waiting for his In and Out burger that he wants to go to Burgers and Brew later in the week.  After the weekend with friends, I don't know if I can eat there again!  Anyway, it's good that he's eating more food now because he did lose a lot of weight.  His weight loss is more apparent than before because his clothes are fitting a bit looser nowadays. 

Roberto is almost back to normal now.  I can tell because he's teasing me a lot more.  He got a few calls from friends and he took the time to answer some emails.  If you're wanting to hear from Roberto directly, now's the time to send a message! 

Next Monday, Roberto has a CT scan scheduled so we can see the progress that's been made after two cycles of chemotherapy.  I'm hoping that we'll see a tiny, tiny tumor.  :) 

Cycle 2 - Day 8

Flowers!

Cycle 2 - Day 6

Friday night was probably one of the worst nights for Roberto.  He had difficulty sleeping, so we gave him an ambien.  About an hour later, he came downstairs and declared that the sleeping medication wasn't working because he kept thinking his pillows were part of some (video game?) mission.  I think that was sleeping but I'm sure that's not the type of sleep any one really wants to have.  Also, one of Roberto's anti-nausea medicines may be giving him restless-leg syndrome and general restlessness because his leg would twitch a bit at night as if he was dreaming about playing soccer and then he got out of bed and wanted to walk around the living room.  Soon, Roberto will be off the medication so hopefully he (and I) will get a full night's rest. 

We went back to the Infusion Center this Saturday afternoon to return the medicine bag he has to carry around for the duration of the chemo week.  Also, because he's been vomiting so much, he got a liter or two of saline for hydration.  It's standard practice to take stats of his vitals and we found out that he lost about 10 pounds this week.  That's not terribly shocking news since he hasn't been eating but still disconcerting. 

Roberto is already showing signs of recovering from the chemo drugs.  There was some dry-heaving action happening today, but that was in the morning.  Later in the day, he ate a whole peach, a cookie, and two tiny bowls of broth!  I'm more cautious about the soup since most of the time he will throw it up, so I gave him just broth.  Since he was not given the chemo drugs today, he was awake for a good portion of the day. 

Unfortunately, Roberto is still plagued with restlessness from Friday night and couldn't stay still for the nap he wanted to take.  He found a cure in the form of Halo.  Yay for Halo!  So we definitively know now that Halo also cures restless leg syndrome.  Basically, Halo is the cure for everything.  As I type this, Roberto is sleeping now, however, I can hear the sounds of kicking coming from Roberto.  I might move to the couch tonight.  Oh my, he's rolling about the bed and flinging pillows around.  Um, when you see Roberto, just pretend that I never wrote this on the blog (i.e. don't mention this).  I think he's making a pillow fort!  ...

Anyway, we got a wonderful surprise on our front door in the evening!

Aunt Patti and Uncle Doug sent us beautiful flowers already potted!  Roberto wanted to start a flower garden and all we have is a dahlia plant that refuses to bloom again (and a bunch of sad pepper plants, but those are my fault).  Roberto was soooooooooooo (yes, I need that many o's) happy when he saw the plants, he immediately watered them and tended to our other plants. 

This concludes the chemo drug infusion portion of cycle 2.  I'm going to be throwing so much food in front of Roberto's face this week.  I talked to Roberto about what he wanted his first meal to be and he enthusiastically said, "Burgers!"  My jambalaya never had a chance. 

Chemo - Cycle 2 - Day 5 - Survival

Day 5 had ended and, thus, the chemo portion of Roberto's second cycle has come to an end.  Now he has 16 days of recovery to enjoy with rest and lots of food.

Roberto still struggled with feeling nauseated today and it continues to stymie our attempts at getting Roberto to eat.  At the same time, we don't want to push him to eat and then have him throw up the meal a few minutes later.  The oncologist prescribed a fourth anti-nausea drug to help with the nausea.  Since he's been home, he's only thrown up once, so maybe it's starting to work.  The nurse also commented that since Roberto's nausea is worse than the first cycle, his symptoms might be psychosomatic.  There might be some truth to that speculation because Roberto was getting a bit anxious before the second cycle started.  I think I'll try to get Roberto to talk to me a bit more about how he's feeling about all of this once he is more lucid.  He already does not want to do the two remaining cycles of chemotherapy.

On a lighter note, Roberto received another card in the mail today!  Aunt Patti has been in almost constant contact with us since the beginning, and it brought a small bit of sunshine into Roberto's gloomy day to read her supportive words.  I also read to Roberto a couple of texts and emails.  I think such messages are so wonderful and they definitely uplifted my spirits today.

Tomorrow, Roberto gets to hand in his fanny pack of drugs and be done with the chemo infusion!  The first meal he craved after the first cycle was In and Out.  Of course, right???  That guy lives and breathes those burgers and fries.  We'll see what he eats this time around.  Any bets on my jambalaya?  Believe it or not, it's a strong contender.

Chemo - Cycle 2 - Day 4 - Tiny Bowls

Well, chemo is a huge pain in the ***.  Roberto spent the whole day fighting the urge to throw up.  He was successful a majority of times but was miserable the entire day.  It's hard watching Roberto suffer each day and be unable to mitigate his nausea.  Roberto's oncologist and nurse decided to give Roberto a third anti-nausea drug to take at home.  Hopefully it will do the trick.  So far, in the evening, Roberto has been doing well.

We're also trying portion control with Roberto.  It seems even while sick, he will finish all the food that is placed in front of him. so we've resorted to tiny bowls of soup.  Roberto is definitely not eating enough food, but there's just one more day of chemo drugs for this cycle and maybe on Saturday he will be able to eat more.

During Roberto's low points, he'll say, "Chemo sucks," and "Why did this have to happen to me/us?"  There's certainly no easy or comforting answer to that question.  Is it reassuring to know that your body is predisposed genetically to have cells that would go rogue by multiply out of control and murder you?  Another perspective of the same idea: was this part of a grand plan for Roberto's life? 

I have difficulty answering such questions.  I can't even begin to imagine what Roberto is experiencing and what could be said to make him feel better.  I'll say the usual, "You're strong and will get through this," and "You're going to be awesomer after this over," because it's the truth and it's easy to speak such truths.  Instead of attempting deeper answers, I focus on doing everything I can to help Roberto physically get through this ordeal.  Everyday I hope that my and Adam's presence at the Infusion Center and at home gives him a little bit more strength to get through the day.

Roberto is already dreading the next two chemo cycles and it's becoming harder to be Robostrong. For now, though, let's get him through tomorrow.

Chemo - Cycle 2 - Day 3 - A Tough Day

Today was very tough on Roberto.  He spent the day either sleeping or throwing up.  I would go into details of the day but they are messy and not necessary for the blog.  I thought we were pretty good at giving him the anti-nausea medication on time, but it might be more than that.  The oncologist told us last week that patients typically vomit the entire week when receiving the chemotherapy drugs.  This might be the norm for Roberto for the other cycles.

I first speculated that the smell of the medicine would induce vomiting because Roberto was complaining about the medicine smell all the time.  Also, the smell is strongest in the bathrooms of the Infusion Center and his quarantined bathroom at home; those were the locations in which he usually threw up.  But after the last two days, it might just be him moving too fast and not knowing what feeling nauseated is like. 

With all the vomiting, Roberto didn't eat much today.  We sort of prepared for this over the weekend with Roberto eating as much as he could on Saturday and Sunday.  He lost a bit of weight from the first cycle and he didn't quite gain it all back.  Hopefully he won't lose too much more weight.

On a lighter note, I've started taping up the cards Roberto has received in the mail.  If I could tape emails and text messages, there would be a lot more on the wall.  Here's a picture:

We're over half-way through the week of chemo drugs.  The next two days will be hard.

Chemo - Cycle 2 - Day 1 - Return of the Fanny

Today was a good start to the week of chemotherapy drugs.  For the next five days (Monday through Friday), Roberto will receive his long list of chemotherapy and supportive drugs at the Infusion Center.  This also means the return of his fanny pack (which transformed into a stylish hand bag of sorts) that will administer a drug continuously through Saturday.

Roberto's reaction to the drugs is a little faster this time around than the last time. He has a sensitivity to smells such as the medicine that the fanny pack contains.  It could also be him anticipating the unpleasant smell.  He had me and Adam smell the inside of the fanny pack but all we smelled was a plastic odor.  He's also sleeping frequently throughout the day, but he did squeeze in some Halo time with Adam in the afternoon after getting home.  It's known that playing video games, especially Halo, not only improves hand-eye coordination but also kills cancer cells.

As for me, I spent the morning hanging out with Martha.  The idea was to give me a chance to relax after the crazy weekend of people visiting and some time not having to worry about Roberto since Adam was taking care of him at the Infusion Center.  While I felt a small pang of guilt for not going to the Infusion Center, it was nice to have a change of scenery so that my day didn't consist of home, the Infusion Center, and/or American River College.  I also got a chance to vent to and gossip with Martha.  There's nothing like girl talk over a couple cups of coffee.

Martha and I got a chance to visit Roberto and Adam at the Infusion Center.  Roberto asked the person distributing hospital lunches for TWO pieces of cake!  On the scale of 1 being cardboard and 10 being divine, Roberto ranked the cake as a 2 or 3.  He still ate every bit of both plates.  He also started cracking a lot of jokes.  Some at my expense.  :P  I guess I can forgive him. 

So, yay for a boring day at the Infusion Center!  Time to get ready to conquer tomorrow.

They See Me Rollin'

Today was full of interesting things.  Yes, that's the best intro you're going to get from me.  I've been grading finals.

First, Roberto's friends Greg and Gabby are visiting from LA!  I'm having fun getting to know them and hanging out with nice people.  We've taken them to the "hot" eateries of Davis - Cafe Bernardo and Burgers and Brew - and for a quick stop at the Ye Olde Beer Shoppe.  They are the first in a series of friends we are going to see this weekend.  Honestly, I thought that having so many people visiting was going to be a pain. However, it's been nice having the distraction.  The anticipation of the second cycle is rattling Roberto.  Well, as much as Roberto can be rattled which is not much.  So with friends around, Roberto and I can focus on them instead of the possible horribleness of the chemotherapy.  But, seriously, I just watched the Top Gear Bolivia Special again and I don't know how many more times I can see it before my brain implodes.

Second, we saw the oncologist to touch base and discuss the progress of the chemotherapy.  The oncologist listened to Roberto's breathing and could hear that the right lung is now taking in air!  Hooray!  No more collapsed right lung!  Also, one of the cancer indicators in Roberto's blood has decreased dramatically.  It's count was in the 1000's and has dropped to the 200's.  :)  Roberto may not need to have a CT scan after the second cycle because the CT scan would be needed to determine if the chemotherapy is doing its job and clearly it is.  

Third, Roberto is losing a lot more hair now.  It hurts when he brushes his hair against the grain.  Normally this is not a problem, except that he has to wear a hat now to protect his head from the sun.  Roberto now looks like he played with fire - and fire won.  Roberto got so fed up with his hair that he took the sticky roller he was using to clean the pillow and took it to his head!  This is the result:

I helped him out and we got a good 10 sheets of hair off his head.  I had bought a Bounce brand of roller which leaves a fresh Bounce scent behind so Roberto's head smells like Bounce now.  After a while, he took a wet towel and started brushing his head in the bath tub.  I was going to get a picture of all the hair in the tub but Roberto was too quick for me and washed the tub out unintentionally.

If you can, please send Roberto a quick message and tell him to be Robostrong!  We need to gear up for the second cycle.  Also, if you want to send a card or anything, message me and I'll give you our address.

Cycle 1 - Day 19

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Sorry for the title.  I couldn't help it.

I've been busy with the calculus class I'm teaching.  We're in the last week and I'm helping my students prepare for their final.  Also, there hasn't been much to report about Roberto - yay!  There's just one minor thing - his hair.

Over the last few days, Roberto's hair has started falling out - a side effect of the chemotherapy drugs.  I first noticed a couple days ago when I saw a few hairs on his pillow.  Then on Tuesday, Roberto pinched a bit of his hair and, with a little pull, his fingers left his head with a small bunch of hairs.  Below is the result of my own little pinch.

Roberto's head is slowly looking more patchy each day like a kid who tried to cut his own hair.  At first, Roberto was fascinated by how easy it was to pull hair off of his head.  Fascination turned to sadness as more and more hair fell out.  His pillow has a layer of hairs in the morning.  I'm not even going to talk about the shower drain.

Other than leaving hair all over the apartment, Roberto is doing great.  We're cat sitting for the week and the feline company keeps Roberto cheery.  Between him and the cat, there is a lot of shedding in the house.  Some friends will be visiting us this weekend before the start of the second cycle.  I'm looking forward to catching up with them and having some fun after grading finals.  :)

Cycle 1 - Day 17

Chemo - C1 - Day 5 - Today's Post Is Brought To You By The Letter V

The day started off well with no major incidents.  Once we got to the Infusion Center, Roberto got settled in and he was awake enough to ask for the TV to be turned on.  We started by watching Phil Mickelson give table tennis advice to Matt Lauer.  That probably was a sign that the rest of the day wouldn't be quite right.  After some channel surfing, we settled on a cartoon based on the "How to Train Your Dragon" movie.  The lesson of the day was that you should not steal dragon eggs from dragons that can spit acid and are able to camouflage themselves.  Kid shows are so practical these days.  Also, I was half-paying attention to the episode.

The rest of this post is mostly about vomiting, so you probably want to skip it or read it when you're not eating.

I got some nice chicken soup for Roberto's lunch and he drank quite a bit which was nice.  About a half hour later, he threw up which is not great.  Roberto says he doesn't know how feeling nauseated actually feels so we never get a good warning for when he might vomit.  Roberto does keep complaining about the smell of medicine that is emanating from his mobile medicine pump (which I'll explain tomorrow) and also permeating through the bed sheets and his quarantined bathroom at home.  I'm going to try to clean everything tomorrow and see if masking the smell with some incense will help a bit.

After we got home and right before dinner, Roberto vomited again.  At least it was before dinner so there was no food for him to throw up.  I made him some chicken soup with lots of broth and that seemed to settle his stomach a bit.  He felt better and even stayed up long enough to watch TV.  I got to learn about the secret world of racoons, or angry cats as I like to call them. 

Today was another challenging day, but we made it!  No more chemo drugs until the start of Cycle 2!  The nurse said that he will start to feel better after about a week.  Tomorrows goal: eat more than soup. 

Chemo - Cycle 1 - Day 4 - Things Get a Little Worse

Day by day this week, the chemo drugs work their magic on Roberto's body, but the drugs do not make distinctions between "good" and "bad" cells.  Their target is all rapidly growing cells; they destroy the malicious cancer cells in his body but also his healthy blood cells.  The microscopic battle raging on inside him has absolutely drained Roberto of his energy.  He spent today mostly sleeping on the beat up, green La-Z-Boy in the corner of the living room covered by the quilt my mother made me. 

At the Infusion Center, Roberto threw up twice.  This is by no means a set back but rather an expected side effect from a few of the over half-dozen medications he is taking.  However, this does make each small meal that more precious and it felt like a small victory when Adam and I were able to cajole Roberto to rise from his resting spot and drink some soup.

Jim was able to visit Roberto at the Infusion Center today for a couple of hours, and, from what I heard, the visit energized Roberto a bit.  Visits like that and the little messages I keep receiving from Facebook, emails, and phone calls from you guys are wonderful.  I relay the messages to Roberto when he wakes up for a couple of minutes.

There's one more day of chemo drugs for this cycle!  It's another day of Roberto suffering the medication side effects but it's also another day of killing the cancer and letting Roberto reclaim his body. 

Chemo - Cycle 1 - Day 3 - (Not) Hungry Like the Wolf

Today we encountered some new side effects.  Roberto had a stomachache at the beginning of the day and also had a decreased appetite.  For the first time since I've known Roberto, I watched him take tiny bites of his Nugget sandwich instead of gigantic mouthfuls at a time. I'm so used to him eating two humongous meals for a day and now it's a slight struggle to get him to eat a few small meals.  We were expecting him to have a decreased appetite at some point but this seems too soon.  

He's also slept the entire day away like a hibernating bear.  I don't think he was awake today for more than ... an hour ... or half an hour ... at a time.  Another fun thing since his cancer treatment has started (or maybe when he starting taking cough medicine) is the little sighs he makes while sleeping.  He had a conversation last night with someone:  "Hhhhhuuuhhn.  Huuhhn huuun hhum.  Hhhnnn."  These conversations have done wonders for my sleep and also amuse Adam and me when we keep Roberto company at the Infusion Center.

I realized today that I might have glazed over some of the specifics of Roberto's chemotherapy.  Roberto will have 12 weeks of chemo.  This will consist of 4 cycles.  Each cycle is 5 days of chemo drugs and 16 days of rest (that's 21 days for those of you playing along).  So, just TWO MORE DAYS of chemo drugs for this cycle!

Keep those well wishes coming.  Roberto can't check his emails as often since his eyes seem more comfortable with the lids shut, but I'm more than happy to pass along your messages.